A Commercial Break

If you're still reading my blog, you like my writing.

Or you like me.

Or maybe a combination of both.

Or you're really, really, really bored.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Since 2008, this blog has been a free read for anyone who wants to laugh or have their imagination tickled. And it will continue that way -- a free read. BUT, and there's always a BUT in every crowd, isn't there?, in the words of my mom, "It's time to pay the piper." 

So here's the deal, if you like my writing, buy my book. I've got hundreds of copies of SEEING RED just waiting to be signed and sent out. Click on the link to the right (the one that says "click here for a signed copy") and you can buy SEEING RED from me, signed to you.

If you don't want paper, then click on the link for Amazon or BN and download a digital copy of SEEING RED for your computer, Kindle, or Nook.

Just, do me a favor, and help support a writer. This writer. If you've been reading this blog, this is the next natural step. Read my romance comedy.

And, if for some reason, you don't want any romance in your life, then buy A PIECE OF CAKE, my collection of humor essays.

And if you already own my books and are still reading my blog, how about you share this post on your FB page and tell your friends to read me?

Come on, you know you want to.

Clink on a link.

Buy a book from a writer.

Help support the arts -- and me!

Meanwhile, here's the first chapter of SEEING RED for you to read .........

“THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL”

Twenty minutes into all movies, the first plot twist occurs. I’ve known this since fourth grade when my parents, both renowned film critics pointed it out to me. Since then, I have spent the first 20 minutes of every movie hanging onto my seat, anticipating that twist, which makes it all the more ironic that when the first plot twist occurred in my own life, I didn’t even recognize it for what it was.

What I did recognize (and forever paused in my mind’s eye) was the exact moment when the world shifted and the moon quaked and the stars realigned themselves and the seas danced and all the animals smiled and I saw things differently. More precisely, I saw HIM differently. It was a magical moment and whenever I look back, the sweet sounds of violins, worthy of an award-winning John Williams composition, accompany the memory.

Red. His name was Red Winkler, but for the past five years, I never thought of the name “Red” without the tagline “Janee’s Dad”. Janee was Sophie’s best friend and sleepover buddy; Sophie is the co-star of my life, getting top billing. Janee and Sophie had been friends since First Grade, so, of course, I bumped into Red/Janee’s dad every time I dropped off Sophie at a birthday party, and I saw Red/Janee’s dad when he brought Janee over to spend the night, and I saw Red/Janee’s dad when he and his wife took all the kids to the zoo, and I saw Red/Janee’s dad on his front porch that day he told me that his wife of fourteen years had left and he and Janee were really sad these days, and I saw Red/Janee’s dad more and more as Janee clung to her friendship with Sophie.      

And then one day, my vision changed. Or Red/Janee’s dad changed. I can still see the scene……

Red/Janee’s dad brought Janee over for a summer afternoon play date. The girls immediately ran squealing into Sophie’s room to change into their princess gowns. Red/Janee’s dad sat down on the couch across from me and asked, “Bailey, where do you buy those little white socks for Sophie?”

“I get them at Target. Sophie outgrows them so fast that there’s no reason to buy expensive socks at this point”, I answered, shifting in my chair.

Red/Janee’s dad didn’t respond. I waited for a minute, or two, and then glanced over at him, and I saw Red/Janee’s dad looking at my crotch.

OHMIGOD, I thought, Red/Janee’s dad is looking at my crotch – he’s staring at my crotch!

 Is it the shorts I’m wearing? Are they too tight? Do I have a Camel Toe? Is it the way I’m sitting? Does he think I’m trying to flash him?

Should I move my hand down there to distract him?

And what is that look on his face? Is it lust?

OHMIGOD, Red is looking at my crotch with lust.

He’s a man. This MAN is looking at my crotch!

Beyond the shock, how did I feel about that?

A little titillated.

More than a little titillated.

And I kind of liked it.

Well, okay, I liked it a lot.

And that was when I forgot I was married.

 c2012 Linda S Amstutz